I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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