I think my vagina is haunted
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Shame - the story of my life.
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