i was born a porn star she said
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
