I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
