last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
