Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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