I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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