is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
