So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
