Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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