I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
