lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
