We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
