She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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