So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
