You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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