i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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