i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
