I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
