you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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