All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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