Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
