Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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