Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
