I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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