my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just had sex on a roof
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
