Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
