I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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