forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
