I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
