The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
