I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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