Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
