Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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