Jerry, you need to find god
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
