I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
