hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
