oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
