He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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