There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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