a queef is a wish your heart makes.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
