i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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