Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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