I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
