So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
