I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
