Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
