i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
