Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
