I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
