you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
